Not Gay Enough

[talkingsoup]

I need to read more gay novels.

It sounds weird, yeah. If I was writing a novel where my characters are doctors I'd say, "I need to read more medical journals." If I had astronauts, I'd say, "I need to find Buzz Aldrin's autobiography." It's the same thing. Research.

Cause really, much as I love E and Kail, I don't want them to come off as, you know, fake. There are certain details, some of them the gory kind, that I need to know.

You know, it's almost weird that I don't really know any gay people. I know some lesbians and some bisexuals (<--labeling! *hate!*), but no gay guys. I fricking go to Ithaca College and I don't know anyone who's gay.

It's kind of weird that I'm saying this at all.

Hm.

Why do I always fall in love with the tragic pairings? Sirius/Remus? Come on. The time will come when Shoebox will stab us all in the heart, and I know that and love it all the same. Like I'm an emotional masochist or something. AkuRoku? Sweet Baby Jesus. Masochist. Ennis/Jack? I even saw that one coming and I still love those cowboys to death. Hisoka/Tsuzuki? No one's died--yet--but holy fuck dark, tortured past, and there's never any respite for them! Hiei/Kurama? ....Okay, not "stab-you-in-the-fugging-heart," but the whole demons-with-the-dark-past thing...yeah.

Freaking Romeo/Romeo complex or something (wait, that doesn't work, that's like mas-*mfff!!* Whatever, you get the idea.). Doomed lovers and all that.

Everyone I love dies. I ship the ships that hit the reefs and sink.

I'm reading this beautiful AkuRoku fic right now, and you can just tell that tragedy is coming, but it's so darn wonderful I can't let it go.

Masochist.

Can we tell I'm depressed?

Comments

[calliopeeternal.livejournal.com]

That's what's beautiful about theatre. I'm the only bi one, but there are a lot of gay guys and even one lesbian -- bringing the most liberal of south Texas' denizens together. I think every woman needs a gay man in her life. Well, as long as she's not crazy in love with him, 'cause that'd suck. But they just tend to be so helpful with everything....

[talkingsoup]

Lol, there's a great quote about that: "They're either married or gay. And if they're not gay they've just broken up with the most wonderful woman in the world or they've just broken up with a bitch who looks exactly like me. They're in transition from a monogamous relationship and they need more space. Or they're tired of space, but just can't commit. Or they wanna commit but they're afraid to get close. They wanna get close, you don't wanna get near them."

Yeah, it's almost weird that I don't know any gay guys. It's one of those times when things are shifting back and forth between liberal and conservative depending on the week, but a lot of people are out of the closet now. Maybe I just don't know enough guys, period.

[calliopeeternal.livejournal.com]

Hah, yeah, I've heard that quote before. So true.

Hmm, y'know, that's probably why I don't know very many lesbians -- I don't know very many girls. Ah, well.

Anyway, I was thinknig about the E snippet you posted a while back, and I couldn't remember if I commented or not. But if that's any indication of them in the overall story I think you don't have much to worry about. It felt so natural that I didn't even think of them as being gay, and that's what you want to do with that kind of material. Intimacy, I think, is really the only obstacle when it comes to writing about things like that... >.

[talkingsoup]

Love that quote. Big Chill--great movie.

You make a good point. I've pretty much tried writing E and Kail like I would with any couple. I also didn't want to give in to any stereotypes, so for the most part they're pretty much just twenty-something guys who also happen to be in love. Mostly it's the details I worry about. Like, I don't know what the average, monogamous gay relationship is like. I mean, all over fandom you have the seme/uke thing going on and...that can't be right all the time. Then again, I don't know.

[calliopeeternal.livejournal.com]

I want to say its mostly the same as any monogamous straight relationship. In my experience gays tend to be on the more protective, jealous side -- but only slightly -- and mostly, I think, because its ten million times harder to find a gay person you like enough to be monogamous with than it is to find a straight one.

[talkingsoup]

Hahaha, Kail's got the protective, jealous thing down pat, cause that's just in his nature. ^.^

Damn straight it's harder...I can't even imagine how tough that must be.

I guess I'll just run with what I've got going for them now, and if I figure out anything new later I can always tweak it. Lol, I'm taking a Queer Studies class this semester which should help, and which should be fugging awesome in and of itself.

[calliopeeternal.livejournal.com]

That's awesome! You'll have to let me know how that goes. ^^