Talking Soup

I got in a car accident.

I'm okay. I was in the Albertson's parking lot, turning into a space, and I hit the gas instead of the break. I hit a pole, or rather, the concrete thingy at the base.

Did you know that when airbags deploy, they shoot upward and shatter the windshield? The things you learn during car accidents.

The front fender is a little messed up and the passenger-side airbag totally killed the windshield. There was glass all over the inside. The airbag was smoking, too, since the thing is pressurized with that powder-gas stuff, the same stuff they use in fire extinguishers, I think. It's really kind of foul stuff. I got out, checked the damage. The car is actually okay, for the most part. I was mostly worried that I'd hit the guy in the space beside me, but I missed by about six inches. He was very nice about it all.

I was pretty much fine until I called my mom for help, then I just broke down crying. It's one of those things, you know? The reality of everything doesn't hit you until you hear your mom's voice. She told me to call the cops since the car wasn't driveable, so I did and we got the car towed. Mom came out to help too. It'll fuck with our insurance, but I don't think it'll affect my driver's license since there was no injuries and no damage except to the car.

The thing is it's my dad's car. The Mercedes. That car is his baby. He said he'd let me drive it while he's in Asia. Heh, told me to take care of it and look what I go and do. He's going to murder me. It's not the damage so much as the fact of it all. He trusted me with this car that he loves and I failed. Admittedly, I'm not as used to his car as I am with the minivan--it's harder to handle and all--but still. I mean, what a stupid mistake, hitting the gas instead of the break. Sure, sure, everybody does it, but it's still ridiculously stupid. Dad will probably never trust me with his car again, not that I'd blame him. I completely fucked up. That's mostly while I was crying, that and shock, because I know he's going to kill me for this. Mom and the cops and the guy in the space next to me were all saying that he'd just be glad I didn't get hurt, but that almost makes it worse. I'm not saying that I wish I'd gotten hurt or something, just that it would make things easier, since he'd probably be less mad at me. I mean, that car has never gotten in an accident. It's never even needed to be detailed or anything. And then I go and crash it. So our insurance will go up, plus the cost of towing and repairs, and that's on top of him already being mad at me for the credit card bill last month. Don't think I'll be using the credit card much after this, assuming he even lets me keep it. I'm already fucking things up for them with the costs of college. And my parents want to do work on the house and all that, and they keep telling me they can't because of the college fees. I'm costing them all this money already, and now this. I should have been more careful.

I'm just glad I didn't hit anyone else.

Well. I'm going to try to stop kicking myself long enough to enjoy Lost later tonight. And then tomorrow I'm off to the wedding. I managed to buy a dress today, after the accident, and I've got a wedding gift. Yay, more purchases on the stupid credit card. I'm so pathetic, the way I throw money around, when the money thing is straining my parents and a lot of people I know. Who the hell do I think I am? I'm about this close to just putting the card through a shredder so I can't waste money on stupid things like skirts and huge cookies and manga anymore.

Anyway. I need to find my itinerary and get some shit done before Lost. Sorry I'm so emo.