talkingsoup

Gah, I feel useless. I don't know what's wrong with me, but for some reason, I can't bring myself to write. I've just been lazy but at the same time, it's almost like I don't want to.

I think the length and time I've spent with Mot is starting to get to me. It's the same thing that happened to the original Taenailo story, to Alchemist, and to Pentagram. I've gotten bored with it, and I hate myself for feeling that way. I mean, it's not so much that I don't like writing it, it's just that it's dragging on and on, I seem to be getting no closer to the end, and plus, I already know everything that's going to happen. It's like seeing a movie for the thousandth time--enjoyable, but you know how it's going to end and all. Admittedly, I don't know what happens after this first book ends. So it's like a combination of me just wanting to get this one through so I can start thinking about the next one, and me wanting to leave it alone and do something new. And at the same time, I almost dread finishing this one, because then I have to work on the next one, which will probably be even longer. Gah!

I really do want to work on my other projects. I want to keep going with the Penta rewrite. I want to get into North. North so far is an uphill battle--I still have a lot to work out, and mostly I've just been picking at it (I do have a full Kai and Jae scene though). And I'm worried, because even though it's just in the planning stages, and even though I only have the beginning worked out, North is already looking like it's going to be another giant motherfucker like Mot. And if that happens, will I lose interest in it, like what's happening with Mot? (I'm doing everything I can not to let that happen, because I love Mot too much, but still).

Goddamn it, why can't I ever be concise? Why do I always have to have ensemble casts? Goddamn it Maggie Furey, how the hell did you manage to pull this off? I have six characters in North and it's already looking like it's going to explode--she had what, twelve main characters or something in the Shadowleague Trilogy, but she kept it to three nicely sized books!

This is why I suck so much at writing short stories. I'm so fucking long-winded! I might as well be fucking Leo Tolstoy. Like I'm ever going to sell anything, the way I write now. Like anyone's gonna want to read these giant motherfuckers I churn out.

I'm sorry. I know I'm acting like a twelve-year-old. I just needed to let it all out. I've just been feeling so unmotivated and lazy and like such a crappy writer. I really, really want to work on my other projects, like North, Ramsey, Desert and all, but it just won't come. It's like the muse is on vacation. And when I write Mot, it just feels dry and lifeless.

Maybe that's why I've felt so crappy. Maybe I'm just not in it. I guess this is what real writer's block is like.

*sigh*

In other news, I have a movie review for y'all.

Party Monster

I'll try to keep this short. This movie is an examination of the 80's New York club scene, and it pretty much nails it on the head. Whereas Easy Rider was the epitome of 60's movies, Party Monster is pretty much the epitome of 80's New York scene movies.

The movie is actually based on a novel and tells the relatively true story of Michael Allig, who was pretty much the godfather of the New York club scene in the Eighties. Mackulay (spelling? WTF?) Culkin plays Michael and Seth Green plays his friend, the "original" clubber, James St. James (yes). The two have this incredible dynamic through the movie--I guess the two in real life had a sort of friend-rival thing going on, and Green and Culkin totally convey that in the movie.

The movie is told like a narrative, with Allig and St. James alternately trying to steal the movie from each other so they can tell the story. The two of them are absolutely flaming gay, though they're certainly not together, and are both addicted to probably every drug ever known to mankind. The movie follows the two as Allig tries to establish himself in the club scene and ends up becoming pretty much the king of the "club kids" as they come to be called--an entire generation of people who indulge in sex and drugs and endless partying (hence the movie's title).

It's really fascinating to watch them both get caught up in it all, and sad as well. It's amazing how history repeats itself. This same kind of thing happened in the 20's, and then again in the 60's. Allig eventually becomes completely detached from reality, to the point where he takes nothing seriously, not his drug addiction, not the overdosing, not his relationships, and not his finances. St. James doesn't do much better, though he manages to float just above it all. And you can tell the whole time that the reality is that both of them are looking for something, something they're never going to find. The partying and sex and drugs are just a cover for how miserable they both are.

Which is pretty accurate, considering they're both gay men in the 80's, after AIDS and probably at the start of the first Bush Regime. It's hard enough to be gay in this day and age. A lot of people don't understand the reasons behind a lot of the age-old stereotypes about gays--like that they're promiscuous, engage in unprotected sex, are more likely to be drug users and so on. Like all stereotypes, these do stem from reality--when you're in a world that hates you for what you are, you find any way you can to try and escape it. You find a person to be with, or a passion to devote your life to. It's just that for some people, that passion ends up being for destruction.

In any case, the movie reaches its climax, and I won't spoil anything, but it ends pretty much the way most gay movies do, with the characters as miserable if not more so than they've always been. Almost reminds me of the ways women were portrayed in writing before the Feminist Movement--a woman had three choices, marriage, suicide or insanity, or a combination of the three. Which I guess means that it's gonna take another 80 years before gay people are portrayed in books, television or movies as actually deserving of happiness.

Didn't mean to turn this into a rant. I've been doing that a lot in this post--sorry.

In any case, it's a very good movie, and you should give it a look-see. Really, it's not as horrible and miserable as I've made it out to be, because Green and Culkin are actually hilarious through the whole thing. Most of the time I was laughing and shaking my head at how ridiculous the whole thing was. It's one of those really enjoyable, funny movies that makes you think when it's over.

Oh, and the drug scenes are so well shot.

Score: 8 out of 10

In the meantime, I'm trying to decide on a name for my Nintendo DS. I'm thinking either Ezili Dantor or Morrigan. Both of whom are goddess-types, are dark and warrior-like, and generally badass. Look 'em up.

Current Mood: grumpy

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

sheandhersin.livejournal.com

I feel you girl. But you know what, I bet Furey had the same problem. And what Stephen King wrote in "On Writing" about cutting out 10% of everything you write -- I mean, the draft he gave us before he cut out that 10% looked like something I might've written! It's painful to crop stuff in editing, but it's so refreshing, too, if you're worried about your stories being too long. But major props to you for making it so far, and I think your predicament is the price you pay for that huge feat. Alch was great, and that was years ago -- Mot can only be better, whatever stands in your way of finishing it.

I think Ezili Dantor is a really badass name for a DS. I might've stolen it if I was also in the market for a DS name. :)

From:

talkingsoup

Yeah, I do think I'm going to feel a lot better once I take an ax to it. I really need to finish On Writing--what I read of it was really good.

Haha, I'm glad you liked Alch, because when I look at it today I just kind of shake my head and laugh. Hopefully Mot is a good deal better. You're free to read some of it, if you want--or all of it, if you have a death wish, lol.

I've been calling her Ezili Dantor and I think it's starting to stick.

Thanks a lot for the nice words. You've really helped ^.^

From:

sheandhersin.livejournal.com

The part where he actually talks about the process of writing, and not what made him a writer, was enlightening even though half of the things he talked about were basics. I reread it every time I start feeling daunted.

Haha, who doesn't get a thrill from living dangerously? I'm always up for being a First, Second, Third, etc Reader, even if the book is a monster. Just not promising I'll read it in a day. ^_^

From:

talkingsoup

Yeah, I remember liking the bits on writing more than the bits on his memories and stuff. Though I remember being disturbed by that bit with the babysitter...

Lol, well then if it's alright with you, I think I'll send you a disk copy of Mot once it's done. I definitely value your opinion in whether it suxors or not, haha. You gave me a lot of advice on Alch, and though I've grown out of that one, your advice and tweaks really did help.

Also, I'd love to reciprocate sometime, so feel free to send me your own writing or whatever to First/Second etc. Read. If you want to, of course. ^_^ And thanks again!

From:

sheandhersin.livejournal.com

Yeah, no kidding. And it was cool finding out why his demons are always spiders, like in IT and The Dark Tower. Still think it's stupid though. Hehe.

Fo' sho, girl. And you know even if I don't finish my first book 'til I'm fifty, I'll still be sending it to you for input. ^-^

From:

ddrussianinja.livejournal.com

Until you write it, you don't know what will happen. I mean, has it EVER happened where you write exactly what you thought you were going to write when you started the project? I'd be willing to bet not. Stories evolve as they are written and rewritten. The prospect that even you, the writer, cannot perfectly predict where the story might lead should make it interesting enough, y'know?

I gotta read more o' Pentagram...

I think Morrigan is a good name.

From:

talkingsoup

Haha, that's what I love most about writing--not knowing what's coming, having your characters surprise you. I think I'm mostly over my angst now, though the muse is still out. Thanks a lot, though :D

Lol, just read it on your own time. I'm more than willing to wait.

Haha, I love the name Morrigan, but I think Ezili Dantor fits better. Morrigan is more about death and terror, and Ezili's more like, "okay, fuck with me and I fuck you up, understand?" If that makes any sense.

From:

ddrussianinja.livejournal.com

No problem. ^_^

OK, cool.

I guess that makes sense. I just thought Ezili Dantor was a bit long. I suppose a badass name works for a black DS.

From:

talkingsoup

Well, most people just call her Ezili. Ezili Dantor is just her full name. She's a goddess--or rather an Iwe, like a spirity type--from Haiti.

From:

ddrussianinja.livejournal.com

Speaking of Haiti, what'd you think of the Haitian's back-story?

From:

talkingsoup

Hoo-boy, that was intense. And awesome.

From:

gurmpy.livejournal.com

I totally get it with the not-wanting-to-but-wanting-to thing. I'm sort of there myself right now though (thank goodness) I think I'm on the cusp of breaking out of it. And even if it feels dry and lifeless, just keep pushing through. It may be horrible and frusterating, but the important thing is to get it down on the page and remember that all of it can change later.

Maybe it's aggravating, discouraging, depressing to think of coming to the end of this huge manuscript and and having to go back into it, but that's what rewriting means, and rewriting really is the best part of writing. I've only rewritten a couple of short things, and already I can't wait to get to the end of a draft of ToCB so I can go back in and pry out the pretty from all the first-draft morasse.

And if you're worried about how much people will be willing to read, let me just say: Lord of the Rings. And before you say, "But that's Tolkien" let me interrupt and say yes, but it's also boring as watching shit steam at some points, and it's still The Classic. -waits for the mob to show up and kill her...-

-moves on- Your work is packed with interesting stuff; you're a really gripping writer, and I'm not just saying that. Your action is brilliant, your humor is fantastic, your dialogue is intriguing and fun. Basically what I'm saying is, it'll be okay. You can break it up if you want to. Your first reader can help you pare it down, if that's what you really want them to focus on doing. Concentrate on shrinking during the rewrites. It's all about the rewrites, love. -hugs-

I'm not going to tell you to be proud of yourself and that what you've done is amazing, because I doubt that would help you right now. We all have our personal writing issues; this one is yours, and it's going to be a battle getting through it and every time you think it's over it'll come back in some form or another to slap you in the face. Believe me, I know. But I think (surprise surprise) Sarah Monette put what we have to do a lot better than I can.

And if all else fails, take a break. Write nothing. Write drabble. Write fic. Give your brain a break, but whatever you do, don't move on to another project. Not yet. There's a book called Chapter After Chapter that might help you reorient yourself; I haven't gotten all the way to the chapters about the Sexy New Book Project and encouragement when you reach the midway stall, but if those chapters are as good as the earlier ones, it might help you to give it a look.

Writing is hard. Noveling is hard as hell. Keep trucking, love. Carry the moon all the way home.

From:

gurmpy.livejournal.com

PS. My vote is with Ezili Dantor, I have to say.

From:

talkingsoup

Lol, at this point I think mine is too. Ezili Dantor she is. XP

From:

talkingsoup

AWWWWWW, I love you to itty bitty pieces! Thanks so much! I felt so much better when I read this comment. You are so awesome!

I do think I'm doing better today. I was able to write a fair bit last night, though it still felt dry. At this point I really just need to ignore the length and just blast through the rest of it. Then I can hack it into bloody pieces and polish it up. I dunno, I'm just one of those paranoid people who thinks you have to get it right the first time, yanno? Which is total bullshit.

But I'm okay. Things are starting to look a little bit brighter. I'm glad they're looking brighter for you too. I really want to be able to read a bit of ToCB when we go back to IC!

You know, your idea about taking a break--I do have the fic to work on, plus the 100 Themes Challenge. I told myself I'd try to do that this summer. I just need to decide who to do it with.

Anyway, thanks again so much for this comment, you're so sweet!