Idiocy

I'm writing this in the middle of a panic attack. Sort of. I'm on the ass end of it. It's sort of petering out, but that's only because I'm still awake and haven't tried to go to sleep yet. There's a fair chance it'll come back in full force as soon as I turn the lights out and climb into bed.

As ever, there's no real reason for it. Well, sort of. This is how it happens--I have a thought. I think that having this thought means something terrible about me. I then try to psychoanalyze myself, even though I know next to nothing about psychology, and half of my brain tries to convince me that I'm fucked up, while the other half tries to convince me I'm blowing things out of proportion.

Inevitably, in the end, I rationalize things, and crisis is averted for awhile.

I'm gonna go talk to the counseling people tomorrow. And...I think I'm going to try to go on medication. If I can, I'll try it out for awhile and see how things go. I'm sick of feeling like this. Maybe turning to medication is an admission of defeat or weakness, but I don't really care anymore.

In other news, I went and bought a fish tank, which right now seems kind of stupid since I'm going to have to bring them home somehow. No fish yet, but I'll be getting some tomorrow or in a few days.

Oh, found Bleach 11 and picked it up, but haven't had a chance to read it.

Still have a lot of homework. Considering how I've been feeling for the past few hours, it kind of makes sense that I haven't finished it yet.