No Denying the Night Owl In Me

The problem with Shoebox is that it reminds me of my own shortcomings as a writer. Like...how am I ever going to be able to convey emotion the way Jaida and Dork do? It takes an awful lot of talent to convey an emotion without actually using the word "anger" or "sad" or "love." Aw, man. Every cuddly scene I've written between E and Kail can't hold a candle to Shoebox. Though...maybe the birthday scene in the backstory comes a bit close.

*sigh*

Naruto continues to own my soul. No anime/manga has ever had this kind of effect on me (unless you count the fact that Muraki makes me cringe just to see him). I didn't realize they'd released the manga chapters well into the 300's--I spent the better part of tonight downloading them (I needed some cheering up after Cold Case and the subsequent rant). Oh man. I love Uzumaki Naruto. And Gaara. I hope we get more Gaara before the end. I want to see him smile. That boy needs to do some smiling.

Plus--new character who shall remain nameless! And he's even more of an asshole than Neji, Sasuke and the Four Sounds combined (beat that!)!

I went on a total manga kamikaze today. Maybe not the right word. I walked into Borders and walked out with five manga, only one of which was of a series I already have--the newest Bleach. Let's see *ticks off fingers* I got the first Immortal Rain, which I picked through and looked good--Enchanted, a DMP manga (so it has a cover), which is pretty much all fanservice, though it's fun--Buso Renkin, Watsuki's newest adventure (Kenshin manga-ka) which is good so far--D. Gray Man, which I've heard wonderful things about, wonderful things that are indeed true (it's a very unique story), and I think that's it. The newest Fruits Basket is supposed to be out, as is, I think, the newest Death Note (*dreads*), but they weren't there, and they still don't have the Yami no Matsuei's and PMK's that I need. Anyway, I spent the entire afternoon reading on to about 11. Crazy. I've never picked up that many new titles in one fell swoop.

I'm such a junkie.

There's only one more step to declaring myself a total fangirl and dork, and I'm about ready to take it. I'm seriously, seriously considering writing a fanfic. I think it'll be a good experience. Oh, who am I kidding--I just want to fangirl all over the place. I have a few ideas of what to do, but I figure my first one will be an Organization fic for KH2, since, you know, there's none of those out there. Probably circulating around Roxas and Axel, though probably not with slash, since I'm still not sure what I think of that pairing.

Aw, man.

It's already four. Julie was online about 12 hours ago saying she was reading Shoebox and that she's going to call Northwest to get her phone back, which is good. Ipswich called too, though we didn't talk long.

It's late enough I'm probably not going to get much done in the way of writing. I haven't done any serious writing since before the con. I'm still in the middle of a Hex and Tag scene. The problem is that in the last few days the muse has started poking at the Kaiyss-Jaereiper-North-Naioh-Tobias-Dark-Rain-bat girl thing that really needs a code name. Getting all sorts of ideas about what to do with it. For the time being, names will do--like a code name and a name for bat-girl.

I have to admit, hearing that publishing houses are looking for books of about 100K these days was kind of a blow--considering Mot is up to 160K and Penta is well over 200. In terms of Penta--thats 100K words I need to cut out. Unless I break it into two books which...I'm considering. It might actually work. I even know the best place to cut it in half. Mot is a different story. There's a decent place coming up where it can be broken up, but the idea of ending it so quickly is daunting and makes me nervous. I've decided I'll continue through to the end I'd already decided on, then figure out what to do in the rewrite. In order to sell an over 200K book you have to be really, really good, which I'm not, so I don't have much of a choice. Penta, now that I'm thinking about it, would actually do really well as a trilogy, considering it was only ever going to be a duology. And I have the perfect place to split it up (leaving a nice cliffhanger ending, too. Naturally. I'm a big fan. Ever since I read Maggie Furey's Shadowleague trilogy.).

But of course none of this will matter if the muse decides that this third idea is looking prettier than the other two. I just have to convince her that Penta is the one with the totally awesome half-vampire, and Mot is the one with the Demons. Third Idea just has the tortured sweetie Dark and the adorable klepto Kaiyss who has a hat with a purple flower on it.

I can see why it's tempting.

I have too many characters. I still don't have a place for Gecko, and I'm still not sure what to do about Fox and Mike. All these people living in my head...

I wonder if I could work on three different projects simultaneously?

What You Never Want to Hear a Doctor Say

So I went in for a doctor's appointment today. About the heartburn and stuff. Told her how it comes and goes, how it's been going on for a few years. So she tells me I need blood work done and I'm on this antacid sample Rx right now and I need to see a specialist who will shove a tube down my throat to see the damage.

Oh, and acid reflux can cause cancer.

...

...

I mean--who knew heartburn could be that dangerous? If I'd known that earlier...

It doesn't even matter what's causing the heartburn anymore, whether it's acid reflux or a bacteria or whatever, what matters is that it's gone on so long that I most likely have damage. It's all a question of how much damage and how bad it is. We won't know anything until I go to the specialist.

And in true hypochondriac fashion I came home and looked up esophageal cancer in the Merck Manual and the prognosis is 5 years or less. It's not curable. Of course this is an outdated edition. But still.

I don't know what to do.