talkingsoup: (sylar steals shirts)
So I have been very, very stressed lately--working long hours during peak season, not sleeping much, not eating much and having panic attacks. For once the panic attacks have been about real world stuff--like money! Which, you know, they're still panic attacks, so it's not much different. Ugh, it's just that time of year, you know?

I ended up skipping work today for the first time in since September or something. Michael's has this dumbass point system where basically, if you clock in late or early you get half a point, if you miss a day you get one point etc. and if you rack up six points you get FIRED. The point system even applies if you, say, get run over on the way to work and can't call in to say "btw I'm not gonna be in today because my spleen is in someone's passenger seat." I was up to 5.5 points for awhile there, but now I'm down again. And it's good timing because I think it was better for my sanity and general health that I not go to work today.

Don't even get me started on the Christmas music they have playing at work ><

ANYWAY I ended up getting a lot done all the same. Sent the jam/Christmahanukwanzaayule presents to the chatling people (LMAO NOT GONNA MENTION HOW MUCH IT COST TO SEND FIVE PACKAGES TO FIVE LOCATIONS, INCLUDING TWO IN CANADA). I also finished basically EVERYTHING that I can possibly finish on my resume--I need to get a few relevant dates from my mom, but other than that it's DONE. I've also been scouring Craigslist and sent a few e-mails.

Now I have three free days before my next work day (another 8 hour shift). Hopefully enough time to veg and decompress. Though with all the money that's just FALLING out of my bank account lately I somehow don't think some people are getting Christmahanukwanzaayule stuff. *sadness* Oh money. Why do you suck?

Feeling better today and generally okay. I'm also getting back into my writing :)
talkingsoup: (i hate everyone)
Red eye.

Jet lag.

Sick kitten.

Panic attacks.


One hour of sleep.

I hate everything.
talkingsoup: (mushishi so pretty)
Meditation can help with panic attacks.

Who knew?

I like being a tree. ^_^

Yes, I'm okay. Not sure what triggered it, and this is hardly the first in the past few months. I think it's stress. I always get a little antsy when I come back from a vacation. Heh. A little meaning, "near-constant panic attack mode!" Lexapro takes the edge off and keeps me able to think, and meditation calms me down, it turns out. Woot for meditation. Gotta remember to thank Julie and Kate for teaching me the grounding technique. And I should probably figure out some more techniques.

Been awhile since one of these posts, huh?
talkingsoup: (shika-shika)
Yay for breaks. Boo for being panicky for two days of the break.

It hasn't even technically been a panic attack (thank god), but two days of the haze--what I call that weird feeling of pre-panic attack-yness--is no fun either. Not that it particularly matters, because I know well enough how to deal with it, and there's always the Klonapin for when things get bad. Pretty much the only problem is that--well, aside from it just not feeling good--is that it kind of fucks up your ability to focus and your sleep patterns. So I haven't really been able to write all break.

It's better tonight (because the Red Eyed Monster is over the hill and falling), and in any case, I know why it's happening, happens every month. I'm glad there was only one panic attack (Friday night) and that it wasn't a Grand Sweeping one (the kind that attack a weak point and fuck you up for months on end) or even necessarily bad. I only took the Klonapin because I wanted to sleep.

But enough about that. It doesn't matter. It's just the way things are.

On Thursday we went hiking. There was some debate over it, as we didn't know where we were going at first, and Julie really wanted to sleep in (which she deserved, considering the hell of last week). But in any case, we ended up leaving at about 10:30ish for the Six Mile Creek trail.

We got off the main trail pretty quick. I kept spotting things that looked like trails, and I'm such a freaking explorer. I think I worried the others since I kept going up to cliffs to see what was there. So we wove and wended through the trees, sometimes on a trail, sometimes on only a hint of a trail, sometimes on nothing at all, until eventually yes we got back to the "main" trail and followed it all the way to the reservoir.

Which was awesome. A waterfall, sheer rock cliffs, afternoon "I'm thinking about raining" light. It was lovely. Many pictures were taken. We wandered along the waters edge, eating lunch, checking things out for awhile. We saw a beaver damn and a great blue heron that took off when we got too close. About then we realized we weren't really on a trail anymore and went back to the waterfall. There we saw a chipmunk in the water, trying to swim across the reservoir. I didn't know chipmunks could swim. I mean--chipmunks, man. They're furry, adorable little rodents. This one swam all the way across the reservoir, while we cheered it on. It even made it, too, and climbed upt he rock wall and disappeared.

Then we took a detour through the woods, along the creek past the waterfall, and ended up by the creek itself where I found the rocks were green and slippery and there was a random firepit that Kate had been hoping was pagan altar (sorry, Kate, our altars are much prettier).

Julie found a trail that went up the side of a kind of cliff, that turned out halfway up to be only pretending to be a trail (a common theme that day) so we went back down, went back to the waterfall and started on back. We headed back down the "main" trail to the "Main" trail which was packed, the kind people actually walk on, yanno. We followed it to Hudson street and then went down to the Commons for coffee.

After that we caught the bus back up to school, ordered Chinese and set about going through with movie night. First up was Hotel Rwanda which I've seen, and which made me cry again and generally sort of hate myself. After that (since we needed cheering up--Max was the only one in the room who had seen it before, and really...genocide and all that...) we watched What Dreams May Come.

Since I haven't done a proper movie review in some time... )

The next two days were cold and wet and they didn't turn on the heaters in the dorms and Molly was gone, so they ended up being "do-nothing" days. We went to Wegmans on Friday and spent an inordinate amount on chocolate, and Julie and I watched inordinate amounts of Naruto and nearly died from very incredible chocolate (chocolate with goji berries...chocolate with ceylon spice and chipotle...oh my holy god) while Kate spent time with Max.

Julie and I went from episode thirty-something to episode eighty over the course of the last two days. In other words, a very good amount of the Chuunin exam.

Julie, don't read this! )

Yes, well. Back to homework, I suppose.


talkingsoup: (Default)

April 2011



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