talkingsoup: (failures)
[personal profile] talkingsoup
I've been so unbelievably BORED lately. Which is probably part of the reason I haven't posted anything in, like, months. Plenty of stuff has happened, but most of it is big, overarching real life stuff, the kind of things that are just sort of there and that you can't focus on 24/7. Boring stuff.

Let's see...I got a new job. I'm a part-time caretaker for an old lady with Alzheimer's and dementia. There's a total of five of us who look after her 24/7, and it's all under the table, working right in the lady's house. We get paid by one of her daughters. It's pretty decent money, but I really need a second job. My parents are currently paying my rent, but I'm 23 and that's really got to stop. I can't keep mooching on them forever.

Money's been tight all around, which is one of the reasons why Julie has decided to move back home to Minnesota. She needs to get out of here, or at least get away from her current job, which has been crushing her so bad that it's actually painful to watch. I'd like to keep living with her, but this is probably what's best for her.

It also means Pat and I need to find a smaller, cheaper apartment, and that we're both going to be paying more overall for rent. Which is also no good, for one thing because Pat will be paying more than half, which isn't fair, and because my parents will be picking up my half. I'm such a leech.

Speaking of parents, I'll be heading home sometime in July for the annual star party at Yosemite. It'll be good to be back for awhile. And I swear one day I'm gonna drag Pat and Julie with me.

I've gotten thoroughly addicted to Glee and Supernatural. Well, not Supernatural so much anymore. Julie found it first and then we all marathoned basically the whole thing in a matter of weeks. I don't have much desire to see the next season, though I'll try it out. Glee just continues to be awesome, with really great comedy and well-rounded characters. It makes for a hilarious parody of high school in general.

Saw Ironman 2, loved it, saw Kickass, loved it, and I think that's all in the way of movies.

Meanwhile I was pretty addicted to World of Warcraft, but last week my account got hacked and stolen. I'm still waiting to hear from Blizzard, but in the meantime I haven't been able to play at all. Ah well. It's nice to have a good long break from it.

On the anime front, the three of us here have been marathoning Yu Yu Hakusho...I don't really know why, but does there need to be a reason? It's awesome either way. I've also been steadfastly watching the Darker than BLACK OAVS (AMAZING), and two new shows called Durarara and Angel Beats, which are both pretty sweet in different ways. Also Hetalia, since Heathers got me hooked.

I'm finally writing again, specifically a new novel. This is the Jin novel that I'm pretty sure I've mentioned a few times. Basically, space dragons and evil robots. It's fun so far, though for some reason I'm not as crazy-into-it as I was with my previous novels. I've just been so...blase about writing in general, but I'm getting back into it. I think the lack of significant RP lately has something to do with that. I love Route 47, and I think it's gonna keep going for a good while, but it's been so slow for almost a month and a half now that it's become this casual thing, instead of taking up a good portion of my day like before. IDK. I'm just really unmotivated lately.

Another reason that I'm glad I'm going back home soon, even if it's just for a week, is that I think I'm needed there. I swear, I love my brother but he's going to kill my parents with the stress he causes. If it's not drug addiction and the police, it's fights with the neighbors. This is a major reason I want to become financially independent, because my parents have enough to worry about with Ben around. He really does seem to be trying to do better, but it's not happening fast enough. The best I can do is try to take my burden off of them.

Ah well. Life goes on, even when Israeli commandos are killing activists, the Koreans are at war again, and the oil at the Deepwater Horizon just will not stop flowing.

Date: 2010-06-04 02:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I swear, this is the worst time ever to be a recent or near graduate looking for work -- Dad and I were joking that maybe we should bail the country to live for $20 a day in Indonesia somewhere until people start hiring again, but, hell, I'd do it just for something to do other than slave away in retail.

And y'know, I wrote much better and much more often when I was RPing with awesome people on a regular basis too. Sucks how it always tends to fizzle. Space dragons and evil robots do sound like fun though!

Sorry about Ben, too. I feel you on that count -- Jess isn't that bad, but she certainly doesn't do her part to help out with all our sick/old/otherwise disabled relatives in the area or even with the dishes, cats, etc. Makes me feel like I shouldn't leave, at least until my parents retire, because I don't think they could juggle everything without some help. Siblings, eh? I blame our stupid non-communal industrial society wherein the eldest is assumed to be the responsible one.

Date: 2010-06-05 01:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Ugh, don't get me started. I thought Michael's was bad; my first day at Macy's left me near tears (I even had a dream that night about the store burning down). Soul-destroying, indeed! "Sort of fulfilling" definitely counts for something!

True, RPing pretty much destroyed my social life because I couldn't fit it, writing, school and work into any reasonable schedule, but the better writing, I think, was definitely worth it even if it meant writing less.

I tend to feel the same way, and then I have to remind myself that 1) we all have our lives to live and we can't feel too indebted to situations that we may or may not be able to change anyway and 2) siblings are always going to make their own mistakes and knowing that I set a good example (as I'm sure you did) is about all I can ask for. The last thing any younger sibling wants is another parent encouraging them to do the right thing; they've always been able to learn from the elder's example and are driven to discover *something, anything* on their own, I think. One recent conversation I had with Jess illustrates the respect-rivalry issue nicely: She looked up to me but I was always the first one to do everything so when I got my first boyfriend, she decided (at 14) she'd at least be the first one to have sex. Crazy! It's just sort of unavoidable, the volatility of teenage passions that might turn one bad decision into 10 or 100. Development is way too complex for anyone to feel responsible for another's issues with responsibility... though I wish it were that simple, it might solve a lot of problems and make me more interested in parenting someday....

Date: 2010-06-05 02:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

Oh man, yeah. I got into WoW and NWN because Noah was into it, but then he got too busy for it, and the people I then spent all my time with were faces I'd never see and names I'd never know. It got pretty bad. I got to know the DMs well enough to know that they're unemployed 40-year-old men who've never had a girlfriend, a job, and who never leave the house, and the picture of my future became so bleak that I finally, finally quit. I miss it to death, and I will never forgive Noah for abandoning me! None of my other RL friends understand what happened, they all think I'm a silly, sad recluse now.

Hah, I'm more worried that kids'd drive *me* insane. You're right though, it sucks to see people you care about making bad decisions and no amount of "it's not your fault"-ing or "there's nothing you coulda done"-ing changes that it sucks. -.-

Date: 2010-06-06 08:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I have definitely harbored massive crushes on the more hilarious of my RP buddies, and one of them I've been e-mailing back-and-forth with long after our RPing ended -- some 9 years now. It can definitely create very real and rewarding friendships, it just sucks when they span half the globe and begin to replace more immediate contacts.

Date: 2010-06-07 06:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Truuuue that!

Date: 2010-06-05 01:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I feel you on the bored stuff. I won't be for much longer since I start school again on Monday, but yeah. This break has been a stagnant month of staring at the computer going "... yup."

I've been having a hard time getting any kind of motivation to RP in R47. Multiple reasons going on there, some personal. I'm considering apping into another game so I can get the ball rolling for myself again, but I'm not sure where. If there's one you'd like to app into, let me know and we can app together? Having someone there you're familiar with RPing with and talking to makes getting into a new game less scary, I think.

Sorry about the family crap. I have a lot of drama going on in that department lately, too, and it makes me nervous about leaving for grad school in two years... which I have to do but yeah, the idea still makes me kind of anxious. ♥ /hugs

Date: 2010-06-05 01:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I really doubt I have the time/energy/attention span to run my own game, that and it's just so disappointing to put a ton of work into getting something started only to have it fizzle within a week if it even gets off the ground. I'd really like to run a game with an Angel Beats inspired setting (high school purgatory, behave or accomplish your dream and you poof, cause chaos/don't take things seriously/do what comes natural for 90% of RP characters and you stay, slowly regain memories along the way, it's pretty much an organic setting for a multifandom/OC game even if it's a jam jar) but yeah. Too discouraged by my past attempts to let that go past a really neat idea.

Siren's Pull looks massive, I don't know if I could keep up, and strict requirements just make me roll my eyes anymore-- it's RP, not college admissions for chrissake...

Oh yeah. If it's not one sister being a dumbass, it's another. I have three to chose from and trust me, they keep all the bases covered. :\

Date: 2010-06-05 02:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I really enjoy setting up and running games... but my past few attempts have been only marginally successful. That and I have a hard time dealing with drama and/or being a hard ass about things. Usually I just tell people to get along and either deal with the little issues or play around them. Of course this doesn't keep players from whining at me, or talking shit about others to me. I don't like being the ranting post when I'm the mod. It puts me in a really unfair situation, especially when the problem doesn't warrant modly action. I have enough stress from school, I don't need more of it from my hobbies.

Oh lord, that seems... nearly inaccessible. For everyone. What the hell were they thinking setting it up like that? I understand a little bit of suspension of belief to deux ex a character somewhere, but that's a bit far-fetched. That and what do you do about the actually complex, multi-motivated characters who you can't classify as villain or hero? I guess they'd be excluded too.

I'll return the favor if I find anything. Currently it's like wading through a sea of wank and same-old-crap... There need to be more multifandom + OC games out there.

Date: 2010-06-05 03:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Yeah, the limitations on that kind of a game are pretty freakin' ridiculous. You must play a standard black or white hero or villain, the hero must be there by choice, they must be human, but you can't create a character specifically FOR this setting despite all the ridiculous rules. That is really, really, REALLY dumb.

I honestly don't get the hate for OCs. Yes, it puts some responsibility on the mods to screen for Sues/Stus, but honestly if a character isn't interesting enough due to how perfect, infallible, or all-powerful they are, people won't tag them and the player will eventually go elsewhere. It's really not rocket science.


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